I have always tried to be very open and honest here,
but I have been feeling such a pull towards sharing more of the deep things in my heart...
as He leads me to.
I have sat down to write about something after thinking to myself,
"oh that would be great to share about,", etc.
But then I try to write out my thoughts and just don't feel the peace in it.
Does that make sense?
One thing I really feel is important to me in this space
is that I only share as the Lord leads, especially about the things He is doing in me.
There are some things, I believe, that just need to remain between His heart and mine,
but if He presses on my heart to share those things, then I want to honor the value of that,
and be very thoughtful in my writing of it.
And being "thoughtful" about my words does NOT mean that I am being inauthentic.
It simply means that I desire to share exactly what is in my heart to share,
nothing more and nothing less.
In my desire to share more about deep deep things...I can easily get persuaded by the enemy into fearing people's judgement.
That maybe my friends who read this believe differently than me about certain things...
so maybe they will judge me because of it.
or that maybe people will think I'm crazy or that some of the things I have experienced with the Lord are "crazy" and then will judge me,
or even worse, judge Him, because of my words.
or even worse, judge Him, because of my words.
I want nothing more than to express His goodness towards me.
To proclaim what He has done, without fear of people's thoughts and judgements.
And to share the testimonies He has given me to share.
(the ones that I feel released to share, that don't need to remain between us).
But here and now, I am setting aside my fear of judgement and am just going to believe that He will use my testimony for His good.
(I am even about to ask for yall's thoughts on all this.)
SO...starting now, I am recommitting to share MORE of me, more of Him...
here in my space on the inter-webs. (that's what my hubbs calls it) :)
All in the hopes that it will be of benefit to someone.
To YOU, maybe.
That He will use my story to bless you, offer guidance or Truth,
or just be someone to relate to.
Here's where I would love your help..seriously.
I have so much that I DO feel like I need to share here, but don't know just where to start.
So I am hoping that maybe you as my readers can let me know what you might want to hear about most.
(and even as I write these things out I am battling fear of opinions and snap judgements of people..ugh!)
- - - - - - - - - -
Here are some of the (deeper) things that I feel like I am supposed to write about:
1. my supernatural healing from Fibromyalgia.
2. other supernatural healings God has done in my body.
(I have been healed from IBS, Lactose Intolerance, kidney stones...)
And yes...I am talking about miracles here. Like there today-gone tomorrow healing.
3. How I was delivered from my battle with Fear..and all about my battle with it.
4. How I am not the same person I was growing up when it comes to God.
5. About our journey out of the institutional church.
(yes, I said out...we have not gone to "church" in about 5 years now)
6. My beliefs/experiences about the gift of prophecy and other spiritual gifts.
7. The importance of having deep discussions about faith with your husband.
8. About coming to the realization that my husband is NOT my provider.
9. About the supernatural stories of provision He has done...
like checks on our doorstep and cash from strangers when we had NOTHING.
and lastly...
if you have any questions for me at all, about my faith,
I want to do my best to answer.
Feel free to comment or email me.
I think this is what community is all about.
like checks on our doorstep and cash from strangers when we had NOTHING.
and lastly...
if you have any questions for me at all, about my faith,
I want to do my best to answer.
Feel free to comment or email me.
I think this is what community is all about.
- - - - - - - - - -
wow. okay..that's a lot, I realize.
But I am anxious to share, and to testify of His good character.
What do y'all want to hear about right now?
Would any of those things bless you or help you?
Would any of those things bless you or help you?
I will share them all regardless, in the Lord's timing,
but I'd love to know if any of these things might hit home or be something you'd like for me to share about here.
but I'd love to know if any of these things might hit home or be something you'd like for me to share about here.
I value your thoughts and your ear. :)
Here's to overcoming by the blood of the Lamb, and the word of our testimonies...
(Rev 12:11)
linking up with my precious friend here:
wow, sarah, i am excited to hear more of what you've got. can't wait!
ReplyDeleteI'd love to hear more about your views on the church! Love you! :-)
ReplyDeleteSarah, I LOVE your heart for Jesus. I would love to hear more about your healings and battling fear. Love you girl!
ReplyDelete#5 yes yes yes!!! I wanna hear about this!
ReplyDeleteor we can just talk about IN PERSON!!! in 1 week!! omg!!!!!
I love you
Love this! The purity and truth behind your emotion is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to read about your journey out of the church (my husband and I have considered this), your healing from Fibromyalgia (my mom has it and I have similar problems), being delivered from your battle with fear (I was delivered just a few years ago)...basically I think you're awesome and can't wait to read about it all!
xo
Sarah, would love to hear about your journey out of the institutional church, what you do for accountability and fellowship, etc. How would that work for a single person who does not have the "built-in" accountability/fellowship of a husband or wife?
ReplyDeleteAlso would like to hear about your physical healing and any thoughts you may have re: why some are healed and others are not.
I would also like to hear about your journey out of institutional church. Our family recently stopped attending for various reasons and I would love to read your perspective on that!
ReplyDelete#5 & #7!
ReplyDeletegod IS good! praying you follow his lead and share his work in you. love you!
ReplyDeleteIll encourage you by sharing my most recent breakthrough. Feel free to re-post. Since the death of my son, Kyle, in 2008 my career progression stalled. I was in the last few months of my surgery intern year when it happened. I spiraled into a deepening depression that over the course of two years resulted in two mental health hospitalizations, one for almost a month. During that month I discovered that there was a large hole inside me filled with guilt, anger, frustration, embarrassment; lies that I now know came from Satan. I found God on a new level. I decided that this hole was God shaped and only He could fill it. It took work. Years… During that hospitalization i read, processed, digested Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind. That book saved my life. Almost as soon as I returned home from that hospitalization I received a medical discharge from the Air Force because of my mental health. It took a lot, and I mean A LOT of effort to obtain a medical license and try to start picking up the pieces and moving on. Lane and I both struggled professionally for the last two years. We survived each month emotionally and financially by the grace of God. He always provided only what we needed and in his timing.
ReplyDeleteAs we have healed as a family, God slowly pushed Lane and I to move forward toward the next step in our lives. Lane was called to join a firm… after searching, prayers, disappointment, frustration, and more prayers, he was blessed to find a great job he loves. I knew that at some point I would have to choose a residency and finish my training. I was afraid. What if I had another emotional break-down. What if my debilitating migraines became too much. Fear and insecurity that I was not ready kept me from feeling at peace about returning until now… 4 years after leaving training. I believe God speaks to us all, and will repeatedly send the same message. Four times over the past two years I have been denied Ideal opportunities because I was not board eligible - because I needed to complete a residency. I finally got the message and applied to family medicine residency. I am currently in the process, and feel at peace about returning to training.
There was something else God wanted me to do. I started smoking in 2005 while going through my divorce, during a time of pain. During my hospitalization in 2010 for depression, hourly smoke breaks were the only time to go outside, to take a break from facing your issues. I learned to chain smoke. Over this summer I was unable to work because of severe migraines that were developing stroke symptoms the longer they lasted. Smoking increased the risk of permanent damage to my brain with each headache. I knew I needed to quit. I was given nicotine patches and encouraged to quit three times during three separate hospitalizations for my headaches. This month God got louder. He wanted me to put the past behind me and prepare to move forward in my life. I needed to quit for my health both physical and mental. I needed to symbolically let go of that crutch and walk again. Be the strong woman that I was; rather than the fragile thing I became. During an interview at my first choice of residency programs I was told by the resident giving me the tour that Baylor does not hire smokers. I thought to myself I should probably quit soon. Last Friday I was doing a phone interview for a job when the lady commented "I hope you don't smoke, the Dr here now reeks of nicotine!" I thought ok, probably need to start trying to quit. Saturday morning while doing my morning ritual of coffee, cigarette and reading, I received another message. I have been reading Joyce Meyer again, Power Thoughts, and currently How to Succeed at Being Yourself - finding the confidence to fulfill your destiny. This is the message I received this past Saturday:
ReplyDelete"We cannot expect someone else to make us do what is right. We must listen to the Holy Spirit and take action ourselves. The apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 that he buffeted his body for fear of becoming unfit. He meant that he disciplined it because he did not want to preach to others, telling them what they should do, and then fail to do it himself. He knew he could not develop his potential without brining his body, mind, and emotions under control of the spirit."
How could I expect to move forward as a doctor and expect people to take me seriously if I was over weight and reeked of nicotine?! I decided to quit. That evening I went to the lake to visit my dad. After a drink I became week in my willpower and asked my dad for the cigarettes I had left in his car on one of my attempts to quit. I had two that evening. The next morning I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed outside… I went to grab the pack of cigarettes from the night before and found myself sitting on the ground. I had fallen. I broke my foot and strained an already weak ankle. In pain, I looked up and shouted "OK I GET IT!" Now I am sporting a hot pink cast and have no desire to smoke. When God speaks and we don't listen, sometimes He has to shout. I feel amazingly so much more at peace this week than I have in a long time. I know He is doing good work inside me. He wants to do good work inside all of us. He wants to lead us forward into our destiny, but we have to let Him.
I know this is probably not what you were asking for Sarah, but I hope it inspires you to let God work through you. I have told you privately how you and your husband have been Gods angels on earth for my husband and I. I want to encourage you, your writings have blessed me more than once, I applaud your courage and thank you for your continued blessings. If you have peace in your heart - do it. If you loose your peace - don't.
would love to hear all of it! but on our hearts right now is the church. my husband is a brand new believer...me since I was 17 and he just attended church with me and my girls for the first time this year, since we moved. We are military so we move every 2- 3 years ;) but something has been burning inside him for many years...and it has only become known to me recently, he never went to church because he always believed it was just a show. he sees people in church worshipping and then talking about the bars on the church softball field...I would love to hear why you dont go and what you do instead? That might sound like a very open ended question but I believe the church is on alot of peoples minds lately. And thanks for sharing! I recently on my blog have shared some very personal issues regarding weight and addiction etc...and I get alot of people in shock when I speak what the Lord is prompting me to share...but its our story for his glory girl! You and your heart are safe with him! I actually get it alot. I am very open with people and even people I dont know. I guess the one thing that helps me be open is that I am not ashamed. Not ashamed of who I was because I am not that person anymore. ;) And the greatest way to let Gods light shine is through testimony! Praying for you to have complete peace while you pour out your heart. ;)
ReplyDeletei admire you for being bold enough to share. i'd be interested to hear more about your healings. i was healed from a gluten allergy a few years ago, and i LOVE hearing about other people's healings. can't wait to read more of your story!
ReplyDeleteI want to hear it all! I've been playing with the idea of writing my spiritual autobiography over the course of 2013, breaking my life down into chunks around significant events and slowly reflecting on each one. Maybe it will help you to just start at the beginning and write about each event. I have been very encouraged by your writing and have no doubt big things are in store for this blog!
ReplyDeletei'm interested in hearing more abour #6. my sister and i have been having discussions about this topic a lot lately. i would love to hear how it has played out in your life. thanks for your willingness to be open and honest!!
ReplyDeleteladyfriend. you KNOW you are speakin' my language through and through here. so very proud of you. for listening, for pushing down the fears that would stand in the way of speaking your testimony and bringing Him glory, and for also using good judgement; i certainly know that just because you can SEE the truth doesn't necessarily mean it's your place to speak it out whenver you feel like it. i totally get feeling like some things need to stay between you and the Lord. you're right on. great job. all of those topics sound great. just ask God to lead you whenever you sit down, and He will. He will take away that overwhelmed feeling of what to say first. I'm totally dealing with that right now too :) loves.
ReplyDeletecan't wait to hear more!! thanks for sharing such personal things :) lets do another playdate??!
ReplyDelete